Well, it happened, I came to the conclusion that a dream sometimes is just a dream, no matter how hard you try to realize it. Something I helped create, and only partly created even in it's most extreme stages, has come full circle for me. It doesn't exist, never did much really. Was kept alive in concept, and my imagination. I don't know which is sadder, the realization, or the 7 or so years of dreaming it to be so.
What is this you ask? (Like anyone really reads this) It is, or was, the Knights of the Stone. If you don't know about them, don't worry, only a few really did, or thought that they did. A great idea, then and now, but not anything beyond that, an idea. As a group we, which turns out to be less than 5 individuals, hosted the May Day Games for a mid-south Pagan community for a time. Held quite a few classes about hospitality and servitude, it even had a podcast, which is still a toy played with by myself since there is no one else who wants it.
The idea is still shared by a few, but not supported. Much like the church we tried to build. Both good ides, but not practical, not supported enough to actually make it into a reality. Sorry guys, it's a bust. I feel I have lost and wasted almost a decade into this, this dream, that has cost me more than anyone else who came into the ideas of it. Sad really, not the dream, but the dreamer. I don't think I failed, I think I am an idealist who just has no place in this community where I live, and only a passing mention of where I've been. I have accomplished much, and even more so in my own mind, but have almost nothing to show for it, except the debt I got into, the amount of material I've all but wasted, and a lot of time developing the dream that was and was never to be.
So, maybe this blog, and especially the title is useless as well, at least to anyone who isn't me or who comments here... well, I guess that's me too. Well, it's an outlet for me, whats your excuse?